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BOFH

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Friday September 05, 2008
07:02
BOFH: Lock and reload
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 29 Cheap at four times the price
"We should sue!" the PFY snaps angrily, thumping the Boss's desk with vigour. "We can't let them get away with this!" "Really?" the Boss asks. "I'd hardly have thought you'd want to sue a fellow professional?" "PROFESSIONAL!" the PFY gasps. "They're cowboys! What sort of outsourcing company wouldn't put in a redundant …
Tuesday August 26, 2008
10:35
Joss-sticks increase cancer risk: Official
» ‎ BOFH

Scientists issue incense fug health warning
Researchers have warned that burning joss-sticks and incense is associated with "an increase in some types of lung cancer, and cancers of the upper respiratory tract, such as throat and mouth cancer", the Guardian reports.
Friday August 15, 2008
06:51
BOFH: Burying the hatchet
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 28 In someone's back, naturally
There's something about a newly refurbished building that just appeals. Whether it's the contrast of old and new (i.e. the ancient glass fronted axe cases in the stairwell which no-one in their right mind would install these days, versus the almost ubiquitous security cameras which everyone seems to be installing these days) …
Friday August 08, 2008
07:08
BOFH: Smash + grab
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 27 RIP an awful lot of hardware
The long-awaited weekend has almost arrived! The migration of the server room to the new site and the transfer of our 'crucial' services to the successful tendering party (ie our ghost facility) is about to commence.
Tuesday August 05, 2008
07:13
iPhone security and battery life are crap
» ‎ BOFH

Gartner puts brakes on biz takeup
Analysts have decreed that the new iPhone's lack of security and poor battery life make it unsuitable for all but the lightest enterprise use.
07:13
Analysts slam iPhone security and battery life
» ‎ BOFH

Gartner puts brakes on biz takeup
Industry analysts have decreed that the new iPhone's lack of security and poor battery life make it unsuitable for all but the lightest enterprise use.
Friday August 01, 2008
07:02
BOFH: Server room secret panels
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 26 This beancounter's asking too many questions...
“It's a little... uh... large, isn't it?” one of our beancounters says as he scans the computer room in the new building during a site visit. “Optical illusion,” the PFY counters. “Machine rooms always look oversized when there's no kit in them. Take my word for it, once we install the racks and the cable trays the place …
Thursday July 31, 2008
10:50
Cash'n'Carrion: A lean, mean, fighting machine
» ‎ BOFH

Reg merchandising tentacle reborn
We're delighted to announce this sunny afternoon the rebirth of Reg merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion - which has undergone a complete overhaul and now boasts an improved shopping experience and a rack of new t-shirt designs.
10:42
The Register reaches more tech professionals than ever
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Press release Record readership, record audit
London, UK, July 31 The Register has marked its tenth year as the UK's top tech and science news website by publishing its best readership figures yet.
Tuesday July 29, 2008
05:50
UK BOFHs face psychometric dissection
» ‎ BOFH

Empathy? Let me tell you about empathy...
The techies among you who are operating in or around Bolton had better watch your backs - the local uni is offering postgraduate PhD studentships in the ominously-titled "Cognitive Style Differences Between IT Support Staff and Computer Users as Causes of Stress in the Workplace".
Friday July 18, 2008
07:02
BOFH: The PFY wants a reference
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 25 Immediately my suspicions are aroused...
"So let's just get this straight," I say to the PFY as he hovers about my desk. "You want me to write a reference for you lauding you as a veritable workplace IT savant who can leap laser printers in a single bound, bend RFPs in his bare hands and generally manage an IT project with the ease of a veteran?" "Yes." "So you …
Friday July 04, 2008
07:02
BOFH: The admin gene
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 24 That mysterious gift
"Woah!" the PFY breathes, looking up quickly. "Woah what?" the Boss asks, looking around cautiously, as I re-enter the room from the passage to the server room. "Nope, it'll be OK," I say to the PFY, ignoring the Boss for a moment. "What'll be OK?" "Are you sure?" the PFY asks. "It was quite noticeable." "What was …
Friday June 20, 2008
07:06
BOFH: The all-clicking, all-whirring Roboboss
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 23 Logic can be a wonderful thing
I've got a particularly vexing game of multiplayer Enemy Territory on my hands when the new Boss rolls in and spoils everything. I say new Boss, as the previous one that everyone liked left for greener pastures and then his replacement left on medical grounds after accidentally pushing a paperclip into the live pin of a power …
Friday June 13, 2008
06:55
BOFH: Shafting the consultants over the new layout
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 22 Marking territory
So we've got some external consultants here blundering through the requirements for the new building as a QA thing.. "It's not that we don't trust you," the Boss explains. "Far from it. It's just that senior management would like some assurance that everything you've asked for is a requirement and not just a nice-to-have …
Friday June 06, 2008
07:02
BOFH: Dealing with engineers
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 21 Sometimes it takes a bit more effort
It seems the cunning machinations from last week have come to no avail - someone at the coloured pencil office still wants the PFY to give them a hand installing some macintoshes. "I hate going to see the designers," the PFY whines. "They're a bunch of overfed smelly beatniks who think that buying expensive desktops makes …
Friday May 30, 2008
07:02
BOFH: Testing the obscenity filters
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 20 You can't say 'can't'
"Hi, I'd just like some help setting up my Macintosh for access t..." >SLAMRingSLAMRING
Friday May 23, 2008
07:02
BOFH: The Batcave
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 19 We've got to win it first
"You know," I say to the PFY as I pore over some building plans. "I don't think the beancounters are as big a set of idiots as we've given them credit for." "How's that then?" the PFY asks. "This building they've bought - I've done some admittedly rough sums based around the floor space and previous sales in the area, and I …
Friday May 16, 2008
07:02
BOFH: The PFY's comeuppance
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 18 He got a bit zap-happy
Some things you just don't want to waste half a day doing. Like talking to the company's shrink about whether the PFY should be referred to the authorities or not... "Okay, so my name is Catherine, I'm just gathering some background on what occurred a couple of days ago and would like to ask you some questions about Stephen' …
Friday May 09, 2008
07:02
BOFH: Shiny new computer room
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 17 What's the catch?
"I think I have some good news..." the Boss chirps happily as he skips into Mission Control. "Good news?" the PFY says. "Very good news!" he gushes. "On a scale of one to ten?" "Ten - at least!" "Really," I say. "And what could possibly register as a ten?" "You're going to get a new computer room!" he blurts. "A new …
Friday May 02, 2008
07:02
BOFH: The Boss gets Grandpa Simpson syndrome
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 16 So he's an old computer buff, apparently
"...And we used to do pretty much everything from the switches on the front panel – bootstrapping, diagnostics, machine code reprogramming – all on toggle switches!" the Boss burbles happily "...those were the days!" "I'm sure they were," the PFY says dryly, rolling his eyes out of the Boss' view. "Oh, that was just the tip …
Friday April 25, 2008
07:02
BOFH: PFY's mum pays a visit
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 15 You can choose your friends...
"And this is... uh... where I work >clickclick
Friday April 18, 2008
07:02
BOFH: Licensing model
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 14 I'd strongly recommend an upgrade to Platinum support
So the Boss had sensed a touch of animosity between us and one of our main software vendors after a recent bill and decided to grab the bull by the horns and invite them in to press-the-flesh and explain the new charging model they applied to us - without notice. Apparently, their reasoning ends up being that the new …
Friday April 11, 2008
08:20
BOFH: Lift laughs
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 13 Someone's gonna pay for this...
"You HAD to push the button, didn't you?" the PFY snaps angrily at the Boss in the dark of the elevator. "I only just TOUCHED it!" the Boss snivels. "It's not like I actually PRESSED it!" "Now, now," I say. "No use crying over fried control panels. We need to take a look at how bad it is before we start getting upset. And …
Friday April 04, 2008
08:30
BOFH: The London Underground vending machine conspiracy
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 12 No crisps for you
>crash!stompstompstompstompclump
Friday March 28, 2008
08:13
BOFH: Fun with automatic doors
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 11 If it can recognise the Boss...
"Really, I thought they'd be right up your alley!" the Boss sniffs disappointedly. "They're just sliding doors!" I comment. "Yes, but they're intelligent sliding doors – they've got scanners and a computer interface and everything!" "That's as may be, but they're not secure doors." "Yes they are, they use face recognition …
Friday March 21, 2008
10:18
BOFH: Impatience
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 10 The PFY goes nuclear
"You’re not listening to me!" the Boss snaps. "Hmm?" "You’re not listening to me!" "Course I am," I say distractedly. "What did I say then?" "The users are unhappy." "I… What about?" the Boss asks, temporarily foiled by my Geller-like guesswork. "Some user thing or the other – their stupidity, the computer doing what …
Monday March 17, 2008
07:15
Futurists predict a world of IT fairy tales
» ‎ BOFH

Easier to manage? And the three bears...
Here's a nightmare vision of a technology-driven future:
Friday March 14, 2008
07:58
BOFH: On the brink
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 9 Every time a bell rings an SCO disk gets its wings
“You don’t have to do this,” I say calmly to the PFY as the wind and rain washes and whistles around us on the roof of the building. “I do!” the PFY says. “I have to!” “You don’t – it’s not... necessary” I say. “It IS!” the PFY counters urgently. “I must!” “Let's just think about this clearly,” I say, speaking quietly so …
Friday March 07, 2008
07:02
BOFH: The secret gentlemen's club
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 8 Never say never again
It's mid afternoon and the PFY and I are sneaking around the building in pursuit of the IT director because he's acting funny... [READER: DEGAUSS NOW FOR FLASHBACK REALISM!] ...10 minutes ago... "Right, so you just want this signed then?" the director asks, scribbling blindly at the bottom of the page. "Okay, now if you'll …
Friday February 29, 2008
07:02
BOFH: Vampires!
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 7 And robots. We're being replaced by robots
Today's going to be a bad day, I can tell. Not because of the evil machinations of the managing classes, nor the heat seeking stupidity of our users, nor even the Machiavellian plans of our suppliers... No, today is going to be bad because the PFY has had insomnia for the past week or so. His game playing marathons have …
Friday February 22, 2008
07:02
BOFH: Insecurity complex
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 6 Been there, done that, got the bullet holes
It’s Mission Control late one morning and we’re giving the Boss a damn good listening to... “...and I’ve been talking to Jim from P.R and he says that we can probably do a little better on our machine maintenance because when he was working in a former company he managed to get a 48 per cent reduction in price by presenting …
Friday February 15, 2008
07:02
BOFH: The Silence of the Servers
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 5 The servers are quiet for now, Clarice
"Ah the long, dark reaches of intrigue!" I say faux-casually in the dark, scaring the Boss half to death. "What the hell are you doing here?" he cries when he's collected himself, no doubt readjusting his underpants in response to the recent extra loading. "It's a computer room, I belong here," I say, getting up from the …
Friday February 01, 2008
07:02
BOFH: Carbon neutrality
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 4 This is what we think of carbon credits...
"What're they for?" the PFY asks as the Boss rolls in a trolley load of brightly coloured plastic bins. "They're for our recycling initiative," the Boss responds. "Red for plastic, white for paper, yellow for cardboard and blue for polystyrene." "What about glass?" the PFY asks. "Glass is to be sorted by colour into bins …
Thursday January 31, 2008
07:01
How to lose $7.2bn with just a few Basic skills
» ‎ BOFH

Special report SocGen: it could've happened anywhere - and still might
As I swept through Kent and Calais on a Eurostar last week, the financial markets again threw some entertainment my way in the shape of the SocGen debacle.
Saturday January 26, 2008
04:02
BOFH: What GPS is for
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 3 For having fun with the Boss, of course!
The good thing about sales reps is that they're never too busy to come on site and explain a couple of their products to you if there's a potential sale in it. Better still when the IT consumables company replaces the grizzled veteran of "over a million 8 inch floppies sold" with Susan, a lovely young woman with a pleasant …
Friday January 18, 2008
10:34
Vote for the World's Worst Unboxing
» ‎ BOFH

Competition Unveiling the Golden Goldfish
It's Friday afternoon, a guilty trail of Bombay Mix leads from the server room to the pub, and that can only mean one thing: it's time for another Reg Competition.
07:02
BOFH: Defusing the enthusiast
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 2 We don't need Linux's best-kept secret
Isn't it always the way that at the beginning of the year, when your enthusiasm for work is at an ebb, that the Boss decides it's a good time to get someone in to talk about some piece of software that you just don't want to use? And isn't it also always the case that when you get someone in to talk to you they're not only …
Monday January 14, 2008
11:37
BOFH 2007: Road trip
» ‎ BOFH

Park up
BOFH plays Pass the Password
Friday January 11, 2008
08:11
BOFH: Memory short circuit
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 1 And my password is... damn it
There must be something in the water. I've got a shocking case of nominal amnesia which I can't shake and the PFY just isn't helping. True, being locked in a lift for several hours (until I'd fed sufficient pound notes through the doors to the PFY) just prior to the holidays didn't help, but I'm never really any good at …
Friday December 28, 2007
07:02
BOFH: Beancounter bashing
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 44 And the PFY gets his bonus revenge
"You know what your probblim is?" one of the Beancounters slurs, using the ISO certified phrase to indicate that the speaker's had too much to drink "...you're out of touch!" "Really?" the PFY says, tipping back his drink with one hand while setting his modified cattle prod to 'stir-fry' with the other. "How's that then …
Friday December 21, 2007
07:02
BOFH: The trivia quiz
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 43 Test your skill. Place your bets!
BOFH: The Trivia Quiz
06:50
Microsoft goes beta for Xmas as CSC leaves staff pie-eyed
» ‎ BOFH

To subscribe to The Register's weekly newsletter - seven days of IT in a single hit - click here
Microsoft gives Christmas beta
Friday December 14, 2007
07:02
BOFH: Balancing the budget...
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 42 With an end-of-year purchasing frenzy
"Got a bit of work on I see," the Boss says, peering around the large mound of cartons clogging up Mission Control. "No, no, things are very quiet at the moment." "So what's all this then?" "This," I say, tapping on a carton. "is a... laptop, one of a batch of... nine, while this >tap
Friday December 07, 2007
07:02
BOFH: Xmas party: Get a wriggle on
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 41 When the chips are waiting...
"Get a jiggle on," I tell the PFY as I clamber into the work vehicle, "or we'll be late." "Take it easy," the PFY responds calmly. "Stacks of time. The place doesn't even open for another hour." "Yeah, but it'll take us that long to get there!" I snap. "I'm sure we'll be ok," the Boss says, clambering into the back seat. " …
Friday November 30, 2007
07:02
BOFH: Friday madness
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 40 There's only one way to get you through the afternoon
It's a Friday afternoon and the clock has stopped. All the clocks have stopped. It's been 2:15pm for the past two hours, I'm sure of it. "COME OOOOONNN!" the PFY whines. "It's no use," I say. "The seconds hand is moving but the minutes hand has just stopped!" "I want the pub," the PFY gasps. "I NEED the pub!" "Me too," I …
Monday November 26, 2007
07:34
Mobe, mobe, mobe. There - we've said it
» ‎ BOFH

Linguistic democracy? We've heard of it
We'd just like to clarify something this afternoon for the benefit of those commentators among you who have a) not been keeping up with developments regarding the word "mobe" and b) seem to believe that Vulture Central operates some kind of democratic system in which the unwashed masses are allowed to chip in their two bits' worth regarding what sort of lingo should and should not appear in the hallowed pages of El Reg.
Friday November 23, 2007
07:02
BOFH: Spreading the festive cheer
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 39 On the first day of Christmas, BOFH gave to me...
"Ahhhhhh," I sigh cheerfully. "Smell that?" "You mean the whiff of cardboard, seasonal green and red ink and just a hint of glitter?" the PFY responds. "MMmmmm," I mumble. "Well, it's Christmas season again, isn't it?" the PFY concurs. "No... It's Christmas CARD season again," I say. "For the next three weeks we can …
Friday November 16, 2007
07:02
BOFH: Workplace accidents = 0
» ‎ BOFH

Episode 38 It's been 10 days since... uh oh...
"Excellent," the new Boss burbles as the PFY updates the 'days since last workplace accident' sign (put there since the last IT decimation). "Ten days since the last accident." "I think you'll find that's a binary number," the PFY says. "Still... 10 days," the Boss counters to much rolling of eyes. "And that's only because …
Friday November 09, 2007
11:06
BOFH: How dangerous are your users?
» ‎ BOFH

BOFH Userometer Click here to find out
An online sysadmins resource
Monday November 05, 2007
15:20
The Register Virtualization debate is ready to roll
» ‎ BOFH

Site news Last call for questions
The Register’s first eSymposium, Virtualization, From the Data Center to the Desktop will hit your screen tomorrow (Tuesday).

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